The Osbourne family first took viewers off the rails on a crazy train when their hit MTV reality series The Osbournes debuted in March 2002. Over the course of its four-season run, bumbling family patriarch and self-described “Prince of Darkness” Ozzy Osbourne gave fans a light-hearted behind-the-scenes glimpse into his life with wife (and manager) Sharon, as well as their children Jack and Kelly.
The juxtaposition of a heavy metal rocker, famous for biting the head off a bat, coming across as a relatable — and often times hilarious — husband and father had Americans captivated. In fact, The Osbournes was the first show of its kind to ever win a Primetime Emmy, besting the Ben Affleck and Matt Damon-produced HBO docuseries Project Greenlight, among others, for Outstanding Non-Fiction Program (Reality) in 2002.
With “millions of people living as foes,” the Osbournes taught viewers to “learn how to love and forget how to hate,” long before they tried to keep up with the Kardashians. And their trailblazing success came by way of them just being themselves.
“That’s the way we are,” Ozzy, whose cry of “Sharon!” became an instant catchphrase, said during a 2002 radio interview. “I was walking around Manhattan and people who wouldn’t generally come up to me were going: ‘It’s them — it’s Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne.’ We broadened our audience by millions.”
While the series had its serious storylines — such as documenting Sharon’s cancer diagnosis, as well as Ozzy’s scary ATV accident — by the time its final episode aired in 2005, viewers had gotten their share of outrageous moments. Here are 10 of the wildest scenes that kept fans glued to their TV screens.
Sharon’s Ham-Throwing Incident
During a Season 1 episode titled “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” the Osbournes are driven to the edge of sanity by their noisy folk-singing neighbors. First Jack tries to drown them out by blaring death metal. But after his efforts fail, leave it to foul-mouthed matriarch Sharon to take matters into her own hands, throwing bagels and a large ham over the fence into their neighbor’s yard. The local cops show up to diffuse the situation and tell an at-her-wits’-end Sharon to not waste good food and call them next time instead.
Kelly’s “Vagina Doctor” Appointment
In the same episode, Kelly complains to her dad that her older sister Aimee — who refused to participate in the show — scheduled a gynecologist appointment for her. Ozzy’s hilarious response? “All you have to do is say ‘F**k off’ when the vagina doctor calls.” As he becomes suspicious about Kelly’s sexual activity, he asks her, “You haven’t been playing doctors and nurses have you?”
Ozzy’s Walk of Shame
After slipping in the bathroom and injuring his foot, Ozzy breaks two doctors’ orders: stay off his feet and don’t mix alcohol with his pain medication. In the Season 1 Thanksgiving episode, an ever-stubborn Ozzy insists on taking the family’s bulldog Lola for a walk and ends up stumbling — and singing — down the street, leash in hand. Sharon tells Jack that his father is “stoned,” and sends him to catch up to Ozzy and bring him home.
Ozzy and Sharon’s TMI Sex Talk
While sitting in a friend’s car during Season 1, Jack tunes in to one of his parents’ radio interviews, only to hear them discussing their sex life. Among the topics a wincing Jack endures: Ozzy’s excessive Viagra use and getting erect when Sharon is either asleep or uninterested.
The Dog Therapist
“I’m not picking up dog sh*t… I’m a rock star!” Ozzy exclaimed in a Season 2 episode where the family’s many dogs are pooping all over the house. In a particularly outlandish moment, Ozzy talks into one of the dogs’ butts, begging her to not poop anymore. A dog therapist, who Ozzy labels a “fruit loop,” is brought in, despite his protests: “You don’t need to hire a dog therapist, you just need to wake up at 7 am and open the f***ing door!”
Ozzy Versus Technology
A new set of high-tech gadgets for the home has Ozzy incensed. After getting the TV stuck on The Weather Channel and becoming confused by a ringing telephone, he calls for Jack to come to his aid. “I’m a very simple man,” he says. “You’ve got to have a computer now to turn the f**king TV on and off… I press one button and the shower starts. What is this? Where am I, man? The nightmare continues. Nightmare in Beverly Hills.”
Ozzy Versus the Ocean
Hilarity ensues when Ozzy attempts to build a fire outside his and Sharon’s beach house too close to the ocean in Season 2’s “The Ozzy Man and the Sea.” First he curses the ocean in an expletive-filled rant and tells it to “go to Alaska.” The water also wins round two, when Ozzy tries to catch a fish for Sharon, who laughs hysterically after he ends up falling on his behind.
Sharon’s Bubble-Brained Idea
Ozzy goes off on his wife after she plans to use bubbles as a special effect during one of his concerts. His reaction: “Bubbles! Oh, come on, Sharon! I’m f***ing Ozzy Osbourne, the Prince of f***ing Darkness. Evil! Evil! What’s f***ing evil about a butt-load of f***ing bubbles?”
Ozzy and Jack’s Fishing Trip
Season 2’s “Angler Management” episode showcased a father-son fishing trip for Jack and Ozzy. First the pair gets in trouble for throwing firecrackers and pelicans, but the highlight is Ozzy’s catches of the day: tin cans and a bird.
Kelly and Jack Come to Blows
After Jack dances with his sister’s nemesis Christina Aguilera at a party in Season 2, Kelly becomes enraged. “When you hate someone, I hate someone,” she tells Jack. “You just wanted to say that you danced with Christina Aguilera.” As the argument gets more heated, Kelly begins punching and kicking Jack, and Sharon eventually has to break up the fight.
Cultureshock: The Osbournes: The Price of Reality airs July 2nd at 9/8c on A&E. Watch a preview: